My Creative World's Reading Rainbow: Spiritual Work (Getting Through Storms & The Bigger Picture)
(Ominous music plays and fades with a dwindling percussion that goes, "Dun-dun-dunnn....")
...and now...
THE STORM...
First, I have to apologize to the readers who expected David Goggin's "Can't Hurt Me" review first, I am still writing his blog post. I am taking my time with him because his book is action-filled and has many scenes I would like to cover. So, I changed-my-mind, I feel it is best to discuss Jen's book before "Can't Hurt Me" to sort of ease you guys into the intensity of David Goggin's memoir...
If I had to place the book's in a side by side comparison, I will say Jen's book is a guide to get you through a typical life storm, not a Goggins-storm. If you have read, "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins, then you will understand me when I say that David is pretty much seeking out a storm to get himself smack-dab in the middle of, so he can tear apart his shirt and primal scream, "YOU CAN'T HURT MEeeeeee!!!!" I imagine him doing this sometime around four-in-the-morning while trying to break a world record for push-ups while a legit tornado swirls right past him. He stares down a camera to document this with a message for his social media following saying something like, “if you want to get through the storms in life, you gotta face the storm…make the storm be afraid of you. You can’t be afraid of it. See that tornado over there…watch me chase it…catch it...I'll own that tornado...come’ere lil’tornado (he says in the tone of calling over a kitten in a winded voice)...see that’s what I thought…look at that tornado run away from me…”
Okay, actually, on second thought, I should say David Goggins' message is very relatable and makes just about anyone think, "I can be a Navy Seal." Yes, that is exactly how I felt after reading it, "pumped up." Although, I once was a signature away from ROTC in college...so "results may vary." These are two different people I just compared. Jen just happens to be a little more "like most people." David Goggins, was once a in his own words, "a loser" turned Navy Seal. I am just saying most of you guys will be like, "I'm just trying to find my footing, I don't want to go from 300 pounds to ripped so I can go through Navy Seal's Hell Week three times in a row.” You see what I mean?
David's book is "Chicken Soup for the Navy Seal's Soul." The issue is that we are not all Navy Seals seeking to prep for real war-time battle...
Although, we are all fighting our own battles, and we aren’t purposely chasing down hardship to prove to ourselves we can conquer our fears through intentionally tossing ourselves into storms. In fact, us non-Navy Seals are just like, “calm down Goggins, I’m just trying to find out what I need to do since I lost my job during COVID…”
…and that's where Jen Guidry's "The Storm" comes in:
Who is "The Storm" Written For?
*People currently going through a struggle and seeking God's assistance
*People looking for a Christian daily devotional to get through a tough spot in life
*People who are not Christian, but curious as to how to apply biblical scriptures and teachings in order to possibly adopt Christianity
*Anyone really, who feels they need a healing and a positive message no matter where it comes from (or what faith/religion brought it to them).
Okay, if you are "going through a storm" I would recommend Jen's book if you are open-minded to the Christian faith...or maybe not too...maybe you are "just curious."
If you are completely not "open minded" then just stick around for the David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me" book blog post and "skip" this one. This one may not be for you. There is a chapter where she explains, Michael (her now-husband) was not "open" to a Christian message in his past. I mention this because I do know that there are people out there that will be "turned off" just because they will not engage with Christian content whatsoever...
I am not here to shove anything down people's throats and I have no agenda to "convert" people or change your views. I do these book reviews because I’m an avid reader and writer…and I like books.
(I may start an official “give-away” for these books I review-if you want a free copy then comment. I’ll choose someone to give it away to.)
...and on the other end...there are people that are all about Christian content.
The way to remain “open minded” if you don’t care to hear about another religion, or can’t accept another standpoint, is to stand on the common denominator.
We are all human.
At the end of the day, "they" (whatever "they" is to you) are human beings that are living out their experience of life and came to their own realizations based on their experiences. Just as you did. You are entitled to just as much freedom to think your thoughts as "they" are to think and live out their thoughts. Bottom line, I’ll write this out in bigger general way so that everyone can benefit from the “spiritual messages” found inside these books. If you simply like the way I write, humorous writing, then stick around. I promise to write posts that should appeal to the masses, so even if you don’t feel open-minded, it will still be a good read filled with positive messages.
How I Stumbled Across This Book:
*Flashback to the start of the pandemic. No one knows how COVID works and people are freaking out. Should we still be "meeting?" What if something was planned prior to the lockup?
The way I stumbled across this book was through actually meeting Jen (the author) in-person for her "cover shoot" for a magazine shoot I was in charge of. With all the magazine cover shoots, I would make a point of dressing up to the nines.
Maybe this was a mistake on that particular day...
When I got into the "Uber" to go downtown, the driver kept turning over to look at me. I was on the phone with Jen. She seemed upset. Her hair was just done...and it was a windy day. I was running late.
On the other line was a photographer who wanted to cancel because his knee was in bad shape.
On another call, the lady's production company, who was supposed to take care of Jen's in-studio shoot, was canceling on me because...I can't even remember now.
Then yet...another call...a back-and-forth between the cancelling photographer and the publisher calling to debate the cost of him shooting...
Me...internally freaking out...people can't be cancelling left and right because as this cover model made very clear...she just had her har done.
...and I know how that goes, it's a $300 to $400 dollar trip when I do it.
This was my very own mini "storm."
It was the start of the COVID pandemic, and who knew that the roof of a hotel building would be suddenly closed. This was a very confusing time for all businesses, everything was suddenly closing...and no one knew exactly what was still open...
As the person arranging the shoot, why did I not "check" with the hotel that it would be closed the day of the shoot?
Well, because I "checked" with the photographer who shot there before and he made it seem open to the public at all times. In fact, that is why it was the spot. It offered a private-enough rooftop with a public-enough atmosphere to invite a large team...
...But it didn't matter now.
Now, COVID shot down the hotel plan, people were canceling left to right, and Jen just had her hair done...and not spoiling a good hair day made me feel like "well then, this has to happen."
I had to think on my feet.
Not only did I have to change the location last minute, with my cover model unhappy with the spontaneous changes, I am sure having to rush her off the phone to change locations for everyone involved with her shoot only made it seem to her like, "this lady I'm talking to doesn't even care."
I did...
As "on my feet" as I could, I changed location last second with her, the photographer...and let the cancelations (the stylist, another back-up photographer and videographer for the studio shoot break the one-day shoot into a two day ordeal).
The "back and forth" with the phone conversations, my bossy tone, the mention of "cover shoot" and my mirrored sunglasses must have given the Uber driver the impression I was celebrity material.
Possibly a real "Diva."
He kept peering back. I could tell he wanted to ask me questions by his expression. What could possibly be going down in San Antonio that involved so many people flustered over "a shoot."
"Excuse me, if you don't mind me asking...are you somebody I should know?" Finally, the driver asked his question just as the back and forths on the phone reach a lull.
In my mind, focused as I was, the question did not register. What was he talking about? Of course not, we just met inside this Uber drive? Am I someone he should know? No... I think not.
Then he fills me in, "I have driven celebrities before...which one are you? Do I know you from something?"
As I type this out now, I am thinking, "I could've messed with him. I could have been like...yes...it's me...Britney...you know like what my song says, 'if I want to drive an Uber, gotta work b*tch...'"
He'd be like, "Well, anyone can get an Uber, it's an affordable option..."
Back on track...my imagination can take us places...but not to the point.
The point is, when I finally met Jen Guidry, at "The Pearl" in downtown San Antonio with the remaining photographer (who almost cancelled too because of a knee injury), she wearing a golden dress and looked actually much better than a lot of other featured cover people. My first impression was she was a well "put-together" business woman. I would have never suspected everything in life she has been through. If you read the book ((Pg. 255 Chapter 51: Where I Have Come From, You Have a Choice), here are "the highlights" of what she has been through:
1. Survived an unstable childhood filled with abuse from an alcoholic parent
2. Survived bronchitis and strep throat almost monthly well into adulthood (plus bouts with pneumonia).
3. Survived major surgery to remove a football-sized tumor, ovary, and appendix. Surgeries to untwist her Fallopian tube and remove cysts (several times).
4. Survived being raped at thirteen by a man three times her age
5. Survived a triple fusion down her neck that never properly healed
6. Survived an abusive relationship where she was assaulted and bitten by a crazy dude
7. Survived thyroid cancer, the removal of her thyroid that caused a 100 pound weight gain (that she subsequently lost it too--which sounds like another journey in itself)
8. Survived The heartbreak of two failed invitro attempts and the embryo not arriving the day of implementation
9. Survived getting her tonsils out as an adult
10. Survived pulmonary emboli and deep vein thrombosis (pulmonary hypertension from blood clots)
11. Survived breaking both ankles in a hiking accident and having casts on both legs for 12 weeks
12. Survived being attacked by wasps during a 6.7 earthquake
13. Survived being burglarized of everything in her home twice (with devastating losses)
14. Survived a major concussion while flipping over during a tubing trip down a river that caused her to lose her mind for a couple weeks
15. Survived a vicious sting ray sting...
Okay...we get now...she survived...and now, "she knows the way out." The book, "The Storm" is Jen Guidry's guide to handling life and what it throws at you...
Jen Guidry photo with her book (below). Who would ever guess she has survived so much?
So, if Jen Guidry could get through "all that," then maybe she actually does know a thing or two about surviving a storm...or like...fifteen of them and counting, right?
The book starts with her cancer diagnosis. Anyone that hasn't been through something like a life-threatening diagnoses may not feel the impact. A person simply can’t “go on” the same way afterward. In fact, events like:
A cancer diagnosis
A car accident
A bad, bad, break up or rejection
Catching someone cheating (especially when it catches you completely off guard)
A birth or death
A divorce
A loss of a job or getting fired
Anything we consider “a disaster” or “traumatic experience” or "paradigm shift."
(If you need the sensation of a “near-death experience” listen to this “Ted Talk” about what this man thought about as his plane crashed. LISTEN HERE.)
If you never have experienced a “near-death” type of event, it feels disorienting and leaves a discombobulated feeling that needs to be addressed before anything else. It is a "wake up call." Bigger life questions will demand bigger answers. Soul searching is the only way out. All of these sorts of experiences can jolt the system into what could be described as a “spiritual awakening.” Some person online made-up a term called, "Lifequake." Yes, this could be like a "soul earthquake" shook your life apart, leaving you to reassemble it yourself...from scratch... but "with experience.” Sometimes a “lifequake” offers a great opportunity to start over, and start over better.
Now you know better from the first attempt to construct your life, this time you aren't going at it blindly.
You now have experience to what you know you want, need, and need to remove…so build it better… right?
It is okay to start over…
...because guess what?
If it is done right, these "Lifequakes" are opportunities. They are opportunities to see who your real friends are in this world, opportunities to "get rid of" those toxic connections, it can force you in a direction better meant for you, or to try new things...and you will most likely come back up better, stronger, and a fighter.
'Cause, a "fighter" can't become a fighter without a fight...am I right?
All of the above points are exactly what Jen points out in her book. The only constant in life is ironically dealing with change. There are many different ways to react to change, but Jen outlines some pretty powerful, empowering, ways to embrace change, challenges, and the storms we face in order to come out stronger and live out a more meaningful existence.
Official Review:
After getting Jen's book, "The Storm" you will have acquired an official guide to start a Christian-based spiritual dialogue to get you through any "storms" in your own life. Many people facing hardship feel confused, alone, and filled with doubts. A storm in life can rattle the best of us. Jen's "daily devotional" conversational writing style will help you place one foot in front of the other to assist people out of the calamity they are facing as if they have a friend to lean on. If you feel lost at sea, a captain unable to steer the ship, then this is a good book to inspire self-reflection, meditation, and good spiritual habits when facing the unknown.
Based on advice from Jen's book, here are 5 steps to get you started:
Step 1: "Hello?...Is this Mic On?"(The Spiritual Awakening)
Are you currently going through a storm? Possibly, that is exactly why you kept on reading...
At some point in time a person needs to become "spiritually aware." If you are about to head into a series of "why me" bouts of anxiety and depression over it...in a way...this is perfectly alright. It may even be to your greatest benefit. Without this storm, would you even be asking?
Why you?
Why are you here?
What brought you here?
Is this your real-true life direction and purpose?
Are you happy with this life you have been living?
In summary, once you are aware and awaken to the idea that maybe there is a true purpose for your life…
you start to zero in on things.
…and that’s where “The Storm” is truly helpful in life. Up until this point, you may have been "floating." A lot of people do, so storms tend to take us out of the comfort-zone. Suddenly, it may even feel like you just woke up to a life you never expected for yourself. Who is this person in the mirror? Did I really want to become this person as a kid? I mean, not that we have to revert to the life-choices of our ten-year-old self. Otherwise, I can see a whole bunch of people insisting on a steady diet of birthday cake and fruit roll-ups, building sofa-cushion forts, and insisting on ditching a lot of chores to binge-watch TV shows…
At some point we have to face ourselves and answer this in a "real way." We can't keep going on the current track we are on, and the storm...the storm is the blessing-in-diguse designed to get your attention. Up to this point, you may have been answering all these bigger questions with answers other people provided you for what will make you happy. In fact, you might have become a doctor, lawyer, banker, to please parents with a sinking feeling that maybe you are just doing all this work just to...please your parents.
You may be even dating someone your parents like...and dressing in clothing your parents like...
From parent-pleasing possibly you easily adopted people-pleasing in general...before you know it...you feel like an actor playing the role of "I should be happy" while inwardly dealing with an anxious soul that knows you are not.
Then one fine day, you get into a car crash, or get diagnosed with some life-threatening condition, or someone close dies...and you think, "is this really what I want to do with my life? Please everyone else?"
If you find yourself at that point, good. You are "awake" now. To help with the disorienting feeling of being jolted out of your just-floating-by type of experience towards making choices that will be more intentional going forward. You may like a book with some guidance...and if life sincerely brought you to your knees and you are seeking God directly...great, even better...this is the book for you.
Grab a copy of Jen’s book here:
Step 2: Get Still...
Whatever your “initial reaction” to your storm is, panic, depression, eating, primal yelling etc…
Calm down.
Take a deep breath.
Have you ever been in the presence of a friend to sense a familiar, comforting energy? Isn’t that why we seek out comfort from certain people? They have a good energy to them? Well, you too have that energy. It is your “energy signature.” When people are around you, that’s how they sense you. You need to be able to get still enough in your head to squeeze out all those claustrophobic thoughts that are causing anxiety…and find your center…(as Jen points out in her book, she will pick up a “paint by numbers.” That’s just one way to “get still.” Maybe "reading Jen's book" or this blog is your way to get still for now...whatever floats your boat...)
Now that you don’t feel overwhelmed...
You are going to put one foot in front of the other. You don’t need to see the whole road ahead…just…one…step.
At the very start of Jen’s journey inside the book, she knew deep down that the answer to her cancer diagnosis was to slow down. Like so many “boss women” Jen was trying to hold up the entire world on her shoulders…
She knew that the pace she was running was unhealthy, she needed to take a break…
Write.
Reflect.
This is where she shares her personal journey through “The Storm” starts. It is a series of little stories followed by bible verses that relate to spiritual messages such as: Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…
This book is meant to be read during little moments of chaos when you just need to pull yourself aside and take a breath of fresh air. Reading one chapter of the book will provide a person with a good two, three, or five minute break to "time out" and collect themselves.
Just remember, sometimes it is a good thing that a bad thing happens…
Step 3: Put Things in Perspective to Get Answers
One of the great things about a storm is that it shows us "who we are" in the most impactful way. How will we choose to address our problems? Our storm? Run away? Face it? Normally a person is confronted with a storm so directly, there is no choice but to learn who you are and what you are truly about.
The questions to ask yourself to help get as much as you can from a storm are:
What can I learn from this experience?
What lessons is this trying to teach me about myself?
How is this going to make me a better/stronger person at the end of it?
If everything happens for a reason, what is this trying to show me?
Jen makes a philosophical point, there are two ways to view life:
Complete and utter random chaos brought you here…
Or…
A divine plan...
What would you rather have faith in? What is more empowering? Then she lets us know that she has tried both ways out herself. On one hand, she did try carrying everything on her own. She felt consumed with anxiety.
Then, on the other hand, she learned to trust in the greater scheme of things, the greater plan, and God. The new mindset helped her feel grounded. What doors did open where meant for her, what didn't open wasn't meant for her...sometimes it is just that simple. Life it just too short to spend it prying open a door...
How do we know what is meant for us? Answer: follow your joy. What makes life worth living for you? Sometimes people have strayed so far off-course that this answer won't come without some exploration...so explore. Listen to your soul, do you feel "happy" while doing something? Does the concept of time not matter while you sing, dance, write? You are getting closer to finding out what YOU like, when you audition new experiences.
I encourage the "eye of the hurricane" to be a place to reflect (if you get a small break). Try not to dwell on the negative emotions, the panic, the "I don't know what to do next." Trust that there will be a "next step" taken, but that it is up to you where it is taken "in faith and reflection” over “panic and reaction.”
If we indeed subscribe to the reasoning above, that all of this is part of a greater plan, then there must be a greater lesson and meaning for it too. Do you find that this “storm” of yours repeats in your life? Possibly, you find yourself breaking up with people for the EXACT same reason…or maybe you find yourself with the same sort of boss no matter how many jobs you have had…
Maybe, then, we can assume these sorts of conflicts are being presented to you in order to show you something, to teach you something…but how can you learn if you don’t “listen?”
In the “panic” we must look like wild animals when a rescue person is trying to free them from a trap. We assume this “rescue attempt” isn’t good and act on instinct to fight, flight, and completely work against the attempt to free us.
When the animal completely calms down, the rescuers can set it free.
It is the very same with “The Storm.” Once you are able to calm down, you can think better, make better choices, stop reacting and start responding with intelligent choices. Soon enough, instead of drinking, drugs, procrastination, whatever it may be…
When you calm down you “pull yourself away” from an initial reaction and let yourself respond in a thoughtful way. The more you practice this, the more your bad behavior will subside as you intentionally make better life choices.
Also, an believe that even this bad, ugly, terrible “storm” you are facing has something to do with the divine order and plan for your soul’s development? This is exactly what you need to make you the stronger person, the better leader, the person who is capable of getting through anything….
When you see it that way, wouldn’t you select the option of behaving like a leader? That choice won’t be an option if you are running like a chicken with its head cut off…don’t you see? This leads us another point frequently brought up in Jen’s book…and my final point…the “bigger picture.”
"There's no losing, only learning. There's no failure, only opportunities..."
- Pitbull
MY OWN "STORM-STORY"
I learned of Jen's book during the second "studio" photoshoot and video-shoot. When I overheard Jen explaining she wrote this after receiving a cancer diagnosis, I was curious as to how she handled this bad news...
...because I also received a cancer diagnosis...
Whoa, bet you didn't see that coming! My system did not know how to "handle it." I was initially shocked and, for some reason, angry.
I felt like I was promised "a little more time" during a first brush-with-death...a car crash. (I was "T-boned" in a way that sent my car spinning.) I was not terribly injured in my first big car crash. During the crash, there was a spiritual moment where I felt I placed a direct call to God (or the powers at be regarding the governance of this universe) and said in my mind, "I'd like more time." For whatever reason, I felt like I have not quite finished what I set out to do by being here on earth. While the accident must have happened in a matter of seconds, I did experience a suspension in time. (By the way, afterward I came across a scientific explanation for "time suspension" in these moments...for you skeptics.)
With perceivably enough time to make a bargain, I went for it, "I'll do whatever it is I came here to do, if I don't die today."
Well, I didn't die (otherwise, this couldn't be written by me).
I "went to work" after the crash by heavily exploring creative mediums:
-I painted
-I started recording music (that I wrote through my teens-to-college years in order to finish these song ideas to completion)
-I began developing my fashion designs
-I started writing my own book (based on some odd suggestion I'd end up a famous writer-in case being an author was tied to "my end of things")
-I even tried poetry (after getting my first "F" in poetry in the 8th grace and vowing "I will never be Walt Whitman"ever since)
Whatever "it" was I was here to do, I was set on finding it.
After a good two or three years in exploration...I got a call...
On my birthday, I received a call from Los Angeles. I knew my dad died on my b-day (on this exact day of the phone call) and Los Angeles is associated with him because we did live there. So, even when I was screening my calls...I still picked up thinking I was being called to handle the "next steps."Instead, I was made aware that I had the opportunity to "showcase" all of my talents in major venues across the nation (and abroad). The next two and a half years I traveled to showcase my talents with this organization (the biggest indie-arts organization in the world). I got to debut their newest showcase location in Mexico, City. It made me feel so international, and because of the "timing" of these events starting on my birthday...I felt this new direction was part of my "divine path." I even felt that my dad, who didn't exactly help me in life, possibly saw his doings in heaven and decided to help me from beyond. I was no longer directionless. I knew that all of the talents I assembled growing up culminated into this. I also thought this opportunity meant that I was not meant meant to select "just one" of my talents to develop...but doing all-at-once in shows.
Then...I received a cancer diagnosis.
My first reaction was, "Nope, I still have things to do. I just got started with my-end-of-this-bargain stuff...it makes no sense...I do not accept it."
So, as you can expect my serious question to the oncologist, just as San Antonio was experiencing the first "COVID Shut Down" was, "Can we wait until after this COVID stuff clears to do the surgery?"
The oncologist knew that this wasn't registering, "You have cancer, we need to remove it immediately."
Yes, I recognized the process I was just about to go through once again, because it always starts with "denial."
The 5 stages of grief.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Acceptance
Depression
I have been through it before, but here I was...right back at it. What was I even grieving? I don't know...maybe the "loss" of my own life? My dreams?
It is a painful process, to get through a "scare" like a cancer diagnosis or "the grieving cycle." The grieving cycle is especially painful, it is the mind fighting itself on what it can't, but inevitably needs to, accept. I did my best to find my mental-balance in writing out a new "bucket list" to focus my mind on goals I can accomplish on seemingly borrowed time. This helped me after that car crash, so expanding my list seemed to help once again.
This time around, I shut down.
It was great to shut down while COVID was an issue because no one noticed. No one had a way to notice that I stopped preforming, or traveling, or developing my next ideas...COVID provided me a great time to self-reflect.
I became impatient with people.
Time was of the essence. I needed to quit my job. If I was dead, who would care about the bills. I needed to leave something of "me" behind. Essentially, in facing my mortality, I decided that if I couldn't live forever, I may as well create something that does.
So I quit...
I quit activities and people who I considered to be "wasting my time."
Then, I quit everyone.
I am better now.
One of my friends mentioned to me over the phone, "I remember when you quit working (at a certain place). You weren't even picking up my calls. It just seemed you had it with everyone."
This friend is very perceptive.
That is exactly where I was, "done with everyone." I was especially done with people who took advantage of my kind nature.
For a month after my tumor removal surgery I did not sleep. If I did, it was pure exhaustion that caused me to drift here and there, but I would be suddenly woken up by a sharp pain when I would unconsciously roll over to the side I naturally sleep on. The "open wound" on my back would stab me and throb with pain. It doesn't help that I am a light sleeper. It was severely irritating. I started to evaluate my choices and ask, "why is this happening to me? Right when everything seemed to be going just fine?"
I wasn't leaving my bed (due to doctors orders) and the bed was my greatest source of pain; I was stuck. The only was to rid myself of this sort of pain seemed to be to "take my mind off it." Possibly because I was stuck with myself, unable to go anywhere, and making a mental effort to apparently dissociate...I began an internal dialogue.
"I don't get it, if I made every effort to discover what I was supposed to do...and it seemed to be the right path...why am I going through this?"
Just like Jen Guidry, just like Jeremy Camp (the author I a reviewing after this intro), I wanted answers from God, from my higher-self or whatever could answer me.
"Where did I go wrong?" I asked myself or God.
My mind-on-painkillers had answers. I reflected on a random psychic prediction that I would be a "famous writer" which started an exploration in creative writing while I gathered my bearings...
I thought, "I wrote the book." The first novel I wrote was "Hands." I should check that box...
The "famous writer" box...right?
"I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp
"You can get another book for half off." The lady checking me out made me aware of the sticker on a book I was purchasing, "Buy one, get another half off...it's on sale right now."
I was not expecting to buy another book...but half off...okay...I'll look at my options. I was pointed towards the "half off" book table.
Since I was in the process of being rung up, I did not have much time...I indeed "judged a book by it's cover."
First thing that struck me, "A Memoir."
Right now, as everyone reading this should have figured out by now, I'm reading memoirs, true stories, and books based on true stories.
I look to see whose memoir, "Jeremy Camp."
"Huh, never heard of him." I thought.
The guy on the cover though...is pretty gorgeous...in fact, he looked "familiar" to me. It was like "have I met this book before?" After I bought the book, I placed him. He reminded me of a person I really wanted to talk to once, but a lot got in the way...so I got cut off. I never understood the cut off. I came across a term called, "ghosted" on Youtube. The description seemed to match due to the unsettled feeling of not knowing if that was "the end" or if this person would be coming back...or should I reinitiate the conversation? It stressed me out. It was one of my "why God" situations in life that I never quite understood. I see a guitar right next to the handsome guy and a pretty chick. I guessed this story might have something to do with music and love (which I'm all about). I flip to the back:
"Jeremy Camp is a musician with forty number-one radio hits, four RIAA-certified gold albums, and more than five million albums sold. He has been nominated for a Grammy, three music awards, and four ASCAP Songwriter of the Year awards. He lives with his wife, Adrienne, and their three children in Tennessee."
"Wow, how have I never heard of this handsome dude?" I totally mistake the "real Jeremy Camp" for the guy on the cover of the book (which I later learn is the actor who plays him in the film).
I flip back to gorgeous guy on the cover...debating...he is a songwriter...and successful at that...
"Now A Major Motion Picture" the cover reads. I missed that earlier. I'm sold.
I will discover new music. I will get to see a film based on a book. Most importantly, I love to know the "backstories" behind songs. When I flipped through the book I saw "song lyrics" so I felt perfectly settled in my choice to randomly select a book to purchase without knowing a thing about it...
...I had no idea that Jeremy Camp was a Christian singer/songwriter.
When I started reading the first chapter...
"Wait...this is about Christian music?"
I let the book hang out on my nightstand while I finished my other purchases. I wasn't in the mood for a "preachy" book. I wanted a romance story that involved music...
I felt sorta let down.
As I finished all my other books, the cover would look at me as if I was passing by someone's oil-painted portrait with that "eyes follow you" effect. Lucky for this book, after I finish reading a book I get hit with a euphoric feeling that leads me to "chain reading" so I need to get my "fix."
"fine" I thought to myself, "this will have to do."
As I uncovered the story, I was pulled in the same way I was pulled into Jen Guidry's book, "how did they deal with this cancer diagnosis?"
'Cause my reaction was strange. Now, I'm curious as to how other people handle it.
Even though I'm still under "doctor's evaluation" I am recovering and it seems like I'll be okay...Jeremy's situation was different. He got to witness someone die of cancer. Not just anyone, the person he wanted to marry, form a life with, and actually did marry...
...Just to have her pass following their honeymoon.
Why?
I tend to "think back" to my song lyrics in "Run" when it comes to "God why?" No, I never intended to write a Christian song. I wrote EXACTLY how I felt at that moment in time.
The Bigger Picture:
One of the points emphasized in Jen Guidry's "The Storm" and the last point in 5 steps above, and points she makes in the book, it to "trust in the bigger picture." Jeremy Camp's book explains exactly what that means.
How could Melissa, the first wife of Jeremy Camp, die of cancer right after they got married?
It doesn't seem fair.
It doesn't seem like there is a "bigger picture."
In fact, the "picture" seems to be destroyed right then and there. How could Jeremy go on?
He didn't...
He heard God speak to him to pull out his guitar...to write a song.
He didn't want to.
When I read that part, the very intro of the book, a shiver crawled up my spine. Whoa...what are the odds of me just grabbing a book...about cancer and about a songwriter who talked to God.
"Maybe it did happen" I thought over my experience, "I am like Joan of Arc...or The Blues Brothers."
Even now, when I let Jen know that I would blog out a book review, things "got in the way" for a couple months. Maybe this book, "I Still Believe," was meant to be paired with her book review so I can emphasize the concept of "the bigger picture."
JEREMY CAMP'S STORY (NOT ALL OF IT):
Now, Jeremy grew up poor. He comes from a larger family, his mom gave up her chance to go to Purdue University in order to work. His dad was a up-to-nothing drunk until he found a better path at church. The family endured times when there was seemingly nothing to eat...but somehow...one way or another...they would end up with groceries or cars.
Though, their situation meant that Jeremy would have to take on a job as the school janitor in order to pay for his private education when the public school scene was leading him a path of partying. Leaving public school meant leaving football behind. It also meant working odd jobs to keep up with expenses. As a good former football player, he looked on as his replacement on the football team took his spot "on TV" while he was working at the local grocery store.
He reflected, "that could have been me on TV."
This was just another "why God" moment in his life. Though, he stayed true to the idea that something "bigger" was meant to come out of his choices to go to bible college instead. When he went to bible college he was introduced to "Melissa." His friend "Jason" had his eyes on Melissa. When Jeremy met Melissa it felt "wrong" to feel like he totally "fell for" his friend's love interest.
He decided to be just friends with Melissa until...
They both confirmed they had feelings for each other. It wasn't one-sided.
Great. Now what? They didn't want to upset Jason.
They decided to date in secret until the issue could be properly addressed the situation with Jason. That moment came. Jason was upset...and deeply hurt.
As a result, Melissa "dumped Jeremy" in bible-college-chick style, "I need to get closer to the Lord right now and not deal with guys...sorry."
Jeremy is devastated.
Yet, another "why God" moment in his life. Jeremy, in his heart, felt he met his wife...but if she didn't want to be with him in that respect, what else could he do?
He focused on missionary work. He doubled-down. He did what he could to heal and take his mind off of things.
Then, he "hears" through mutual friends that Melissa was diagnosed with cancer.
As "hurt" as he felt, as "heartbroken" as he was, he still loved her enough to be "a good friend."
Turns out, when he visits her in the hospital, facing the new set of circumstances, things get real between them.
She loves him back.
They are set on getting married, together they are going to face and win the battle against her cancer, then have children...and live happily ever after.
Spoiler Alert.
That's not what happened.
The worst-case scenario happened.
I won't "spoil" the rest of story for you, but the "bigger picture" answers his "why God" moment.
In reading the story, I thoroughly understood one of Jen's last points about never getting an answer, but still having faith in "the greater scheme of things."
From a "spiritual" perspective, we can't see "why" something bad is happening at the moment it happens. Sometimes, the answer arrives years later. In a round-about way, the answer that sometimes there is no immediate answer, or no "closure" for some situations in life, was a good answer.
Sometimes bad things happen, for better things to happen.
From our human standpoint, it is hard to see the forrest through the trees. From a higher perspective, one that has access to the trajectory of events, the "worst days of our lives" can set you on a path to the "best days."
MORE MUSIC ON THIS TOPIC:
Just a little musical detour. I just discovered "The Ballad of Cleopatra" by The Lumineers. I heard "Cleopatra" by itself. I never knew this song was part of a story. The story starts with The Lumineers singing "Ophelia." This song has to deal with their sudden fame. Then the lead singer steps into a taxi and has a conversation with the Taxi driver. This starts with the song "Cleopatra." It tells the story of the taxi driver, but as the songs continue, the rest of the music video shows us her reflecting on life to the point of being in a nursing home.
"The bigger picture" point reminds me of this music video. When I came across this project as individual music videos, I had no idea that they were part of a much larger project. When you have a problem with no immediate answer, remember that this "issue" you are dealing with is only one little section of your life's big music video mash-up or ballad. That it doesn't stop at this one song, or one moment, there are other events coming. There will be a day you can "look back" to reflect. When you do, a new perspective will be available to you. Just like in "Cleopatra." She seems to be debating her "choices" to have decided on this man who has taken her "here, there, and everywhere" but maybe, also finds happiness in "how things turned out" ultimately.
In the course of time, it will be alright.
In that way, I found "closure" for the situation I mentioned earlier, remember, the person I really wanted to talk to who the cover model reminded me of?
I put my trust in "bigger picture" thinking. I will never have an answer and I will always have the answer. We will all get our answers. In the words of John Lennon, "there will be an answer, let it be."
Another music artist and song I should mention here (since it really fits the line of thought) is Garth Brook's "Unanswered Prayer." Sometimes, the other party might feel like, "I gave you an answer, it was ignoring you." Sometimes, you needed an answer for something, like, "why didn't I get that job I wanted." Although, going back to the interviewer, asking them to track down your application, just to provide you with a "an answer" would be incredabily awkward! There are times you, and only you, will want an answer, but it won't come...
In the song "Unanswered Prayer," the singer bumps into his high school crush. They "feel it all coming rushing back," yep...in that intense Celine Dion "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" way. This is "the one" for the person's high school years...but as they catch up in the future...they come to another realization:
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
And I could tell that time had changed me
Inn her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all
And then and there I thankedd the good Lord
For the gifts in my life
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers...
The best thing we can do for ourselves, when trying to make sense of a storm without any good answers in the present moment (the "storm" moments), is not fixate on "why." Instead, have faith a "why" will come in another shape or form from what you are expecting. Sometimes it is better not to "make sense of it." Just keep going...see how everything falls into place.
Like my song "Run" illustrates in its lyrics (that I never realized carried any profundity until now) sometimes in life you just gotta move forward with no rhyme or reason...
"Just let me run, run, run..." (The way I ended the song "Run")
By the way, coming across Jeremy Camp's story was another "sign." It seemed to be a confirmation (at least to my mind) that my conversation with God was "real." Then, I had a dream...and in this dream I was adding on to a book project I started and stopped...and started...and stopped again...
In the dream, I added more to the beginning of the book.
I realized...in "mysterious ways" that the message was, "you are not done...there is more..."
"Let it be...let it be...let it be...speaking words of wisdom...let it be."
~John Lennon
Author: Z. B. Sanders
For those who don't know me here in town...(like, the two people my mom has not yet shown this video interview to):
This video (above) was recently posted on Youtube for my Dr. Marianne Pinkston radio interview featured on her radio show about "health and wellness" called, "The Better Life." On her show she interviews guests, and sometimes goes solo, to talk about issues like losing weight, fitness, mental health, and modern life. In my interview, we go over the two books I have written that I would categorize as a genre I may be pioneering "self-help for youth." You can see towards the end of the interview I describe "writing through cancer."
You can see me fumbling, in my mind was a debate, "do I mention my 'mission from God' and sound like the Blues Brothers...or would that make me look ridiculous? Okay...I'll just skim over that part..."
I'm very grateful to come across the books of a well-respected business woman and a well respected music artist who also had similar conversations with "God." Otherwise, I probably would have not chimed in-all-honesty!
I actually like this random screenshot of this interview. I’m in my widest “cheeky” smile in the one above. I’m not going to get picky though, besides when someone sees me in real life I’d like to be recognizable…
These are my books:
Hands
Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/HANDS-Story-Modern-Art-About-ebook/dp/B0776H2SLZ
As it says inside the interview, I wrote a book around the "chasing a dream" plot of Miguel de Cervantes' Don Quixote. Inside of my writing I construct a character who displays what it is normally like to really "put yourself out there." I know some people struggle with this, so I blend wisdom with comedy to help readers build enough confidence in themselves, their artistic vision, or anything they might want to attempt...
The Little Blue Worm
Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Blue-Worm-Written-Illustrated/dp/B08XGSTSR9
My other book is a fully illustrated children's book for an even younger crowd to help teachers talk about bullying early on. I failed to mention that I have worked as an art teacher and teacher's assistant where I realized a need to address bullying (also building a resilient attitude towards bullying) as a need for today's classroom.
To support my work I have my art and designs on scarfs (as seen in radio interview). You will be able to get the red dress fashion illustration design here:
Outstanding!
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